Default Stress Types

The Five Default Stress Types

Amped

Under pressure, your brain hits the gas and tries to out-run the feeling with motion.

What it looks like

In your brain:

Worst-case scenarios
Rapid-fire problem solving
Having 57 tabs open

In your body:

Buzzing energy
Tight shoulders or jaw
Restless legs
Constant fidgeting

In your behavior:

Over-functioning
Taking over
Talking fast
Panic fix-it mode

What it’s protecting you from:

Feeling out of control or helpless.

The trap:

You look incredibly competent, but you’re burning out your “off” switch.

A few options for your first Thing-To-Do:

Release the Energy – you have to burn off the “high-rev” motor energy before you can downshift.
- Shake out your hands vigorously.
- Do 10 jumping jacks.
- Do a couple of sprints down the hall.
The BFG Reset
- Breathe – one slow exhale, make the out twice as long as the in.
- Feet – press your toes and heels into the floor. Feel the contact.
- Green – Find 3 green things in the room and say the names out loud.
Update the script
- My brain is doing the old thing.
- What’s true right now is that I am safe and I can take a short break.
- The next small move is to name one or two things that I have finished, even if they are small.

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Critic

Your brain is a prosecutor with 220 exhibits of why you’re doing it wrong.

What it looks like

In your brain:

Replaying the “extended cut” of all of your mistakes
An internal roast set

In your body:

Shrinking posture
Shallow breathing
Knot in the stomach

In your behavior:

Editing yourself mid-sentence
Apologizing constantly
Going down research rabbit holes

What it’s protecting you from:

Being judged by others. It attacks first so no one else can.

The trap:

You feel like you’re being “realistic” or “thorough,” but you’re actually stuck in analysis paralysis.

A few options for your first Thing-To-Do:

Exit the Courtroom
- Physically move to a different room or step outside, you need to break the visual “anchor” of where the internal roasting started.
- Tell your brain to bring you a positive thought instead.
The BFG Reset
- Breathe – one slow exhale, make the out twice as long as the in.
- Feet – press your toes and heels into the floor. Feel the contact.
- Green – Find 3 green things in the room and say the names out loud.
Update the script
- My brain is doing the old thing.
- What’s true right now is that I am safe and even if I made a mistake, I can address it and move on.
- The next small move is to name one thing I feel good about. It can be small and it can be something outside of you. The point here is to break the negative thought pattern.

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Heated

Your brain squares up like a bouncer on steroids. It’s spicy, snappy, and ready for a fight.

What it looks like

In your brain:

Furious imaginary speeches
“Fight Club” vibes
Looking for a target

In your body:

Heat in the face or neck
Clenched jaws and fists
Tightness in the chest

In your behavior:

Blunt snappy tone
Defensiveness
Zero tolerance for nonsense

What it’s protecting you from:

Feeling disrespected, small, or trapped.

The trap:

People back off (short-term win), but you end up with the guilt hangover and having to apologize for your behavior later.

A few options for your first Thing-To-Do:

Cool the fire – this triggers the “mammalian dive reflex” and forces the bouncer to take a seat.
- Splash cold water on your face or the back of the neck
- Hold an ice cube
- Put a cold water bottle or soda can on the inside of your wrists or back of the neck
The BFG Reset
- Breathe – one slow exhale, make the out twice as long as the in.
- Feet – press your toes and heels into the floor. Feel the contact.
- Green – Find 3 green things in the room and say the names out loud.
Update the script
- My brain is doing the old thing.
- What’s true right now is that I am safe enough to pause.
- The next small move is a two-minute break away from the situation. A good tactic is to say to anyone who is in the room that you’re just stepping away to take a breath, but that you’ll be back when you have calmed down and can continue the conversation.

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Shutdown

The lights go out. You’re in a bunker, and your soul has officially left the building.

What it looks like

In your brain:

Power outage
Blankness
Can’t think and feeling foggy

In your body:

Heaviness
Every small thing takes massive effort
Feeling tired

In your behavior:

Ghosting texts and calls
“Turtling” under a blanket
Doom-scrolling

What it’s protecting you from:

Feeling “Too Much” or hitting total collapse.

The trap:

The noise stops, but you get stuck and nothing changes.

A few options for your first Thing-To-Do:

Ping the System – you need a gentle sensory “ping” to let your brain know it’s safe to turn the lights back on.
- Wiggle your toes
- Hum a low note
- Give yourself a hug
- Gently pat your arms or your legs
The BFG Reset
- Breathe – one slow exhale, make the out twice as long as the in.
- Feet – press your toes and heels into the floor. Feel the contact.
- Green – Find 3 green things in the room and say the names out loud.
Update the script
- My brain is doing the old thing.
- What’s true right now is that I’m buffering and I am safe in this room.
- The next small move is to name out loud one or two things that aren’t asking anything of you (“Hi, plant. Hello pillow.”).

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The Chameleon

Your brain squares up like a bouncer on steroids. It’s spicy, snappy, and ready for a fight.

What it looks like

In your brain:

Furious imaginary speeches
“Fight Club” vibes
Looking for a target

In your body:

Heat in the face or neck
Clenched jaws and fists
Tightness in the chest

In your behavior:

Blunt snappy tone
Defensiveness
Zero tolerance for nonsense

What it’s protecting you from:

Feeling disrespected, small, or trapped.

The trap:

People back off (short-term win), but you end up with the guilt hangover and having to apologize for your behavior later.

A few options for your first Thing-To-Do:

Foot Toe Balance – this helps your brain process complex sensory data from the furthest point on the body which mutes other noise.
- Ping three points on the bottom of each foot: the heel, the base of the big toe, and the base of the pinky toe. Try to feel all three points touching the floor with equal pressure.
- Check to see if you’ve lifted your heels or are tensing only your toes.
The BFG Reset
- Breathe – one slow exhale, make the out twice as long as the in.
- Feet – press your toes and heels into the floor. Feel the contact.
- Green – Find 3 green things in the room and say the names out loud.
Update the script
- My brain is doing the old thing.
- What’s true right now is I am allowed to have my own opinions.
- The next small move is to name the impulse.