Manta Mode Blog

A bit about me, I’m a weirdo. Not in the creepy, restraining-order kind of way. More in the “well, that’s kind of endearing but sometimes exasperating” kind of way. Paul would definitely agree that I can be a bit…challenging.

I’ve never fit in all that well. I ask a lot of questions. Like, a lot of questions. I can’t help it if one question spurs a whole host more. But that’s the beauty of things, isn’t it? As you learn more, you discover there’s so much complexity under what you thought was something simple. It’s really deep and beautiful.

I ask questions to learn about other people, why they do things, where those things came from, what makes them tick. I do realize that this habit of asking questions can make other people a bit…prickly.

The Aggressive Introvert Who Learned to Love People (Sort Of)

I’m a pretty aggressive introvert. My years working in retail and customer service really didn’t help my general attitude of “ugh, people.”

After hearing both a speech and a sales coach talk about “find something you love or that’s interesting about the other person,” my first reaction was: Well, that sounds lame. But then I thought, what the heck, and gave it a go.

I started asking questions to figure out: What do I actually like about this person?

And you know what? It actually worked.

Suddenly, that guy who everyone thought was a bore? Turns out, he used to be in a punk band. That girl people avoid because they think she’s shallow? Go figure, she has a degree in chemistry and is just really shy. Also, she’s really into bats, and holy moly, I had no idea there were that many different kinds of bats.

The trick was to find out what people’s secret passions were. Bang, you were off the mind-numbingly dull chitchat about the weather and learning things like:

• There’s a wife-carrying competition in Finland where the prize is your partner’s weight in beer.
• Hershey’s has a chocolate spa where you can get immersed in dark chocolate and get a chocolate manicure.
• Albert Einstein would skip wearing socks because he thought they were pain and the pathologist who did his autopsy after his death stole his brain and kept it in a jar for decades.

Turns out, most people have some kind of weirdo obsession that they don’t usually talk about.

But I Digress (Which Implies I Had a Destination to Begin With)

When I left my ex and started this newest chapter of my life, I had a lot of emotional baggage. The amount I had stacked up would make even American Airlines’ lost baggage pile (if you could find it) look puny.

I was left with questions like:

• What am I going to do now?
• Where am I going to live? (Thankfully, my transcription work was enough to support me and was something I could do anywhere.)
• What is my favorite color?
• What is my favorite dessert?

At that time, I didn’t know. I realize the last two in particular sound really stupid. But having an opinion of any kind would lead to fights, so it became safer to just not have any opinions about anything, including what I liked.

And eventually, those questions led to: How do I stop having these pain-bubble bouts of crying for three hours straight?

Cool. Lots to work with. Not a lot of what to do with it.

The “Fixing” Trap (Or: How I Bought My Way into a Problem)

So I started on my journey of “fixing” myself. Yay!

The trouble with this is: In order to fix things, they need to be broken.

So long after I had put down the heaviest of my emotional steamer trunks, I still had spirals and triggers and life in general would occasionally trip me up. It still does. I mean, that’s part of life.

But I got caught in this idea that I had to keep doing something to make my life better or to fix things that probably weren’t even broken. This idea that I couldn’t ever be done fixing things became a problem itself.

I got myself into debt buying courses I probably didn’t really need. I got a little screechy about how you should live your life. I probably even started breaking some shit just to be able to try to fix it.

And then my kids and Paul set up an intervention and put a No-More-Buying-Courses rule in place, along with “maybe just be okay with things for now.”

Things Are, In Fact, Okay Now

Really okay. Dare I say, good, even? Yes, I do. Things are often even good. And I’m enjoying my life.

Do I still spiral? I most certainly do.

Do I use the SPARK method that came out of the plethora of books and courses and podcasts I consumed (and still read and listen to, just a tad less obsessively now)? Yes, indeedy.

Are there times when Paul has to point out when I’m freaking out and I haven’t seen it yet? Abso-fucking-lutely.

I’m not perfect. But the house is solid. Occasionally, the pipes just vibrate and make some noise with some loud, outdated scripts. In short, I’m doing dangerously well.

So What the Heck Is Manta Mode, Anyway?

Manta Mode is the place for me to talk about how I deal with myself and my thought gremlins (a.k.a. Raccoons), my spirals, my stories about who I am, and the filters those stories create.

The SPARK method is how I stop the spirals and change the stories and filters so that I can go through life without having a meltdown because someone looked at me funny.

I’m hoping that by sharing this, I can maybe help someone else who’s struggling with their own thoughts and emotional baggage and get to a point where they can say, “Yeah, I’m okay,” too.

The Street Cred

Aside from these past six years of the experimenting on myself and the literal tens of thousands of dollars I spent on courses and books, I did take a two-year course in hypnotherapy. This one included a decent amount of woo-i-ness with manifestation and NLP and whatnot. I do have my woo tendencies. I just don’t advertise them because my Asian and logical side doesn’t like them.

It’s an entertaining conflict: the hippy-dippy woo version and the child of a chemist and logic lover. So here at Manta Mode, I let my logical side win for the most part.

There is a little guided visualization in the Rewrite the Filter sessions because I do find that to be helpful. But you won’t hear me touting wishful thinking and magnetizing your outcomes with your energy. I prefer practical steps and exercises to drive results you can see, even if it takes a little time and effort to get results.

Plus, all of this stuff is an amalgamation of things from really smart people and scientists who have done studies and written books. Here’s a short list out of many others from whom I have stolen:

• Mo Gawdat
• Dr. Tara Swart
• Dr. Jordan Peterson
• Dr. David Burns
• Joe Dispenza
• Richard Bach
• Joe Navarro
• Even Marcus Aurelius and Lao Tzu

Basically, there’s a little bit from a lot of different places. I’ve just Frankensteined ideas and concepts together into this monstrosity you see here.

Everyone Is Different (And That’s the Whole Point)

I also very much believe that everyone is different. We all have different stories, different backgrounds. Even twins growing up in the same household have vastly different experiences.

What this amounts to is that each person has to do a little experimenting to get to understand what works well for them.

So I offer a framework: and then a few specific things to try that fit within that framework. If those specifics don’t work as well for you, go try other ones. But the outline, the SPARK method, should work for most people because really, it’s not new.

Your version of it will be your own with the exercises that you like that work best for you.

The funny thing is, over time, some of those exercises will probably change as you grow and different things become priorities. So stay open to finding new things and trying new things, even if what you have is working for you: because you might find something you like better.

I’m Not Here to Save You (And That’s Actually a Good Thing)

Think of me more like a park ranger rather than your sherpa.

I’m the person who shows you the trailhead, hands you a map, and says, “Here’s what to watch out for: there are flaming metaphorical raccoons in that dumpster over there, and Doug (your brain) is going to freak out around mile three. But you’ve got this.”

You hike your own ass up the mountain. I’m just here to make sure you know where the path is and what to bring.

I still use these tools. I still spiral. Paul still has to remind me when I’m mid-panic and haven’t noticed yet. The difference is, I know how to pull myself out of it now: and I’m teaching you the same map I use.

Go Kiss a Few Frogs

So go ahead: try something a little uncomfortable, kiss a few frogs, and see what sticks. Enjoy the process. Hopefully, you get to a place where you can feel dangerously good yourself.

Because your house is solid. You’re just stuck running some loud-ass, outdated scripts (and the Raccoons are smashing the panic button like there’s cocaine coming out of it). And we’re going to teach you how to round them up so you can be okay.  

Welcome to Manta Mode. Let’s go kiss some frogs.

If you want to explore my personal blog where I wax (un)poetically about all sorts of topics, check it out here.

My philosophy is that you have to experiment to find what works for you. So go ahead—try something a little uncomfortable, kiss a few frogs, and see what sticks. Happy experimenting!